50 Words of Murphy's Law
by JoeMerl
Summary: Fifty short stories about how Milo, his loved ones, and the people around them manage to cope (or not) with their phenomenally unpredictable luck. One-shot, complete.


**Author's Notes:** Another Happy Milo Murphy Appreciation Day, held every Friday the 13th! Barely finished this in time. Hope that you enjoy!

* * *

 **Gas pedal**

"AAAGGGHHH!" Zack screamed.

Milo laughed. "Oops! I guess _this_ one's the break!"

 **Gregarious**

"The way I see it, Murphys _have_ to be this nice. Otherwise, people would kill them," Melissa shrugged.

 **Timetable**

Amanda let out a sharp cry as Milo bent down, picked up her schedule and watched it burst into flames in his hand.

 **Virus**

"Do you really need this many anti-virus programs?"

" _Yes,_ " Milo said with uncharacteristic annoyance, setting each one on its daily scan.

 **Poetry**

Nate was rather reluctant to _show_ anyone his angsty poems, but he couldn't deny that writing them made him feel better.

 **Experiment**

Melissa handed Martin a Jefferson County Middle School T-shirt, while Milo adjusted his Middletown Tigers hat. "Thanks for helping me with this experiment, Mr. Murphy. Oh, Mrs. Murphy, Sara, I have stuff for you too. You're the control group."

 **Jealous**

Jamal rubbed his neck awkwardly. "So you're not upset that I got picked to play Romeo instead of you? Especially since Amanda is playing Juliet?"

"Of course not," Milo said, smiling.

Then he gave the tiniest twitch, and suddenly Jamal was crushed under a falling stage light.

 **Voice**

"Only you could sound this chipper when we're both about to _SUFFOCATE TO DEATH!_ " Bradley screamed.

 **Soul**

"Milo, you almost _died!_ Aren't you even like, a _little_ upset?"

"Well, I guess a little. I mean, this is the _third_ time my heart's stopped, and each time it's just—nothing. My cousin Reggie's only died _once,_ and he just keeps going _on and on_ about his out-of-body experience and seeing our great-grandma and..."

 **Revolutionary**

"That's odd," Martin said, checking his brochure. "The travel agent didn't mention anything about a civil war."

 **Inhibition**

"You know what? Move over," Amanda said, throwing caution to the wind and getting in the roller coaster beside him.

 **Essential**

Cavendish and Dakota positioned themselves in front of the confused family. "No way are you erasing the Murphys! They're essential to the timeline!"

"How?! All they do is spread chaos and destruction wherever they go?"

"Okay, _yes,_ but...have you ever spent any time with them? They're like, the nicest people ever."

 **Hill**

"And _that's_ where I got hit by lightning the second time! But the picnic was still a nice birthday surprise."

 **Disaster**

"Statistically, if you ignore Milo's actual house, Danville doesn't have any more hurricanes, tornadoes or earthquakes than your average city," Melissa noted, jabbing one of her charts with her pointer. "Therefore, the Murphys' involvement in major historical events implies that bigger disasters attract _them,_ not the other way around."

 **Foreigner**

"Well, I _thought_ I was asking the way back to the hotel, but then there was a mob and I got arrested..."

 **Source**

"Was it you? _Were you the one doing it this whole time?!_ " Candace screamed, shaking Milo furiously.

 **Nest**

"Actually, those are wasps."

"What's the difference?!"

"Bees can only sting you once!"

 **Article**

"Well, I guess it's kind of cool to be in the paper," Zack said slowly, as Melissa clipped out the article _LOCAL TEENAGERS MAULED BY EMUS._

 **Ear**

Milo tilted his head, frowning. "I think your guitar string is about to—"

 _SNAP!_

 **Convert**

"Oh, no, we're just guests for the wedding," Brigette said, to Pastor Smith's immense relief.

 **Passion**

Murphys believe in caution and preparedness, but in the end, you really only have two choices: give in to worry, in which case you'll never do anything, or throw yourself in head-first and just cross the collapsing bridges when you get to them.

 **Architect**

"I am _so_ lucky to have married you."

Brigette smiled fondly, then went back to measuring the hole in their wall.

 **Tissue**

"I'm actually surprised that you have these," Amanda sniffled, dabbing at her tears. "How often do _you_ need them?"

"More often than you'd think," Milo admitted with a wan smile.

 **Permission**

"Mr. Lopez, I love your daughter, and if I may...I would like to ask for her hand in marriage."

"...Before I answer, is this really the sort of question that you should be asking me over the phone?"

"None of my rehearsals went well."

 **Stomach**

"I'm really sorry. I know how badly rabies shots hurt," Milo said sympathetically.

 **Scale**

At that moment, with only a rope attached to Milo Murphy's waist keeping him from a 3,000 foot drop, Mort began to reconsider coming on this trip.

 **Ant**

"I _warned you_ that Milo was coming over and you _didn't hide your ant farm?!_ "

 **Admire**

"I wish that I could handle this stuff as well as you," Nate whispered.

 **Hero**

Zack's little sister clung tightly to Milo's neck as they swung across the lava. "Thankyouthankyouthankyou," she babbled.

 **Mutual**

Milo looked down shyly. "At times like this, I really don't know what I would do without you."

Melissa scoffed and gave him a playful punch on the shoulder. "Yeah, well...the feeling's mutual."

 **Bag**

"I want to know where Veronica got this," Martin muttered. "Every backpack that _I_ had as a kid broke within a week."

 **Harass**

"Mr. Deckler, we must remind you that volunteer crossing guards are not allowed to perform strip searches."

 **Tenuous**

"...which set the desk on fire, which set off the sprinkler system, which flooded the third floor and short-circuited the elevator, so yes, this IS your fault!"

"Huh. I guess you're right."

 **Protest**

"I understand that you're frustrated, but...please don't use that word."

"What, 'jinx?'"

He flinched.

 **Hover**

Every maternal instinct was ordering Brigette to run and make sure that Milo was alright, but she took a deep breath, watched her five-year-old son pick himself up and then turned and walked out of the classroom without looking back.

 **Copper**

"Don't worry, it won't melt unless it reaches 1,984°F. In my family, it pays to know these things," Sara added dryly.

 **Explain**

Melissa angrily scribbled over everything that she had written on the page, and then turned to another. Sooner or later, she was _going_ to crack Murphy's Law, one way or another.

 **Explicit**

"I'm just saying, technically, we can't _prove_ that any of this was Milo's fault."

 **Ill-fated**

Sure, the small, day-to-day things could be difficult sometimes, but when you had a beautiful wife and wonderful children, it was hard to understand why anyone would call you "unlucky."

 **Charity**

Deep down, Milo had to admit that he liked volunteer work in part because it helped pay back for all the trouble that he caused everyone around him.

 **Truck**

"Again, really sorry," Martin said, as Marcus fell to his knees, crying beside his ruined vehicle.

 **Predict**

Zack was strangely proud the first time that, purely on instinct, he sidestepped away from some collapsing rubble.

 **Neat**

"Organization is an important safety measure! It's like my dad always says: cleanliness is next to the first-aid kit, which should be within arm's length at all times."

 **Incapable**

"Honestly, I don't understand why the other babysitters quit," Veronica said, despite the scene of destruction behind her.

 **Unite**

"Are you sure it's a good idea to get _all_ your relatives down here at once?"

"Well, we use to do the family reunion in my grandparents' town, but they passed an ordinance forbidding it...so yeah!"

 **Sound**

Zack checked his phone. "It's getting late. Where do you think Milo is?"

Outside the restaurant they heard tires screeching, horns honking and metal crashing together.

The door opened. "Hey, guys! Sorry I'm late."

 **Branch**

Sara had to admit, she was scared about having a baby. Nobody was really sure what would happen if it was a boy.

 **Pride**

Ignoring the mess and the small fires, Martin knelt down and rustled both of his children's hair. "You managed to stay safe. That's all that matters," he said.

 **Educated**

"...and that's why we need a higher maintenance budget than any other public school in the country," Principal Milder sighed.

 **Inject**

"I know it hurts," Milo said softly, putting a bandage on his sniffling child's arm. "But shots keep you healthy! And there's nothing more important than keeping you guys safe."


End file.
